Category Archives: Jennifer Lopez

GLAM OR SHAM?: J.Lo at The Grammys


We think J. Lo looks amazing; but sadly only from the neck up. This Versace dress does nothing to flatter her gorge figure and we just can’t figure out why it’s shorter on the sides. We’re all for a netted dress and halter top neckline, but this one is just too much of a hot mess for us to swallow.

What do we think Glamazons? Glam or a sham?

Top Five Fashion Fails of 2009

Hey Glamazons,

While 2009 was the year of affordable designer collaborations and tough-luxe style, it also brought us hammer pants, nipple pasties and designs from Lindsey Lohan (scary!!).

Now that the year has come to a close, we’re nominating the Top Five Fashion Fails of 2009 that MUST be left behind. All disobedient readers of this post won’t make it past the end of January. Yes, that is a threat.

FASHION FAIL #1 – Skinny Jeans for Men

Yes – baggy jeans died with gangster rap in the 90’s but that shouldn’t mean that men can parade around in stretch jeans with 5% lycra. There’s no valid reason that your jeans should be tighter than a Kim Kardashian dress.

A fitted look (not too baggy, not too tight) is ideal. Here’s the test: If you can’t get into your jeans without shimmying or sitting on the bed to pull yourself in, you have failed at life.

Besides the obvious hygiene issue (I mean isn’t breathability a necessity for you guys?), it’s unfair for me to have to pretend like you don’t notice me noticing the unsightly bulge threatening to bust through all that lycra for a breath of fresh air.

And if skinny jeans for women look best with stilettos—because they make your feet appear smaller, how do you think you look with the boat-sized, giant shoes you pair with your skinnies? Disaster.com. Please do better. FAIL.


FASHION FAIL #2 – Harem Pants

Wearing harem pants didn’t make you look exotic, fashion-forward or sensual. You looked like you had an adult diaper sewn into the seat of your pants and wore them with a purse and stilettos.

We tried to give you advice, but you wouldn’t listen. We clearly said: look for harem pants that aren’t super baggy. Never did we suggest to have extra material flowing in the wind like a Tyra weave. But the bigger the pants, the more you liked them.

Unwieldy and just unflattering, these pants were nothing short of hideous and just wouldn’t go away for the better part of 2009. Try as we might, we couldn’t feel sorry for the otherwise beautiful people that put on an upside down parachute and Louboutins as though it was attractive.

If Hammer wore them and lost all his money, and they made Beyonce look crazy, why would you think they’d work for us normal folks? FAIL.

FASHION FAIL #3 – Leotard

Please don’t hate me for saying this, but putting on a leotard won’t magically make your legs appear like Beyonce’s or Amber Rose’s.

Those dimples that were there before—but thankfully hidden under jeans—will be free for everyone to see in your leotard and boots. And if your legs look like toothpicks, a leotard will make it appear like you’re walking on stilts. Just not okay.

Besides the fact that unless you’re coming off the stage from a (real) Fosse performance or walking down Hunter’s point, there’s no acceptable reason to be out in a leotard and hooker boots in public. Since when is it okay to come out before you finished getting dressed?

Please do better next year. FAIL.


FASHION FAIL #4 – Ed Hardy

When Ed Hardy the designer won’t even wear Ed Hardy, you know you have a problem. At one point, the trendy, edgy, tattooed designs were selling like Susan Boyle. Now they’re collecting dust in the stores along with Rihanna’s CD (I kid!).

Truthfully, once the crop of cool, bad kids stopped wearing Ed Hardy designs, and the Snookies and Situations of the world started buying them in bulk, there was nothing anyone could do to help. They were banished to No-Man’s land where old Fubu, Mecca and Iceberg garments go to die.

Ed Hardy, get a new Creative Director, makeover, celebrity spokesperson and maybe you can return (a la Phat Farm). If not, FAIL.

FASHION FAIL #5 – Spandex

Please Lord let my days of seeing liquid leggings stuffed to the brim with thigh meat be far behind. I cannot, in good faith, endure the sight of women in black liquid leggings that, as some guy on Twitter said, look like walking oil spills.

And Nicki Minaj, camel toe is a vicious, evil, ungodly vision—and one of many signs that you need to pry yourself out of the leggings (we know they took forever to get on) and do away with them for 2010.

Other signs? Repeat trips to the gyno (as again, breathability is essential to health!). When the waistband and seams leave a red imprint on your stomach and legs (Yes, this happens. It’s like you held your legs in a chokehold all day. That’s gotta leave a bruise). FAIL.


What do you think Glamazons? Am I wrong to curse the day that Ed Hardy and Unisex Skinny Jeans became a trend? What Fashion Fails did I miss? Speak now…so we don’t have to suffer through another decade of bad fashion.

Kisses,

Coutura

Video Glam: Jennifer Lopez’s Louboutins in "Fresh Out the Oven"

Hey Glamazons!
While we’re not head over heels in love with Jennifer Lopez’s new songs, image or Sasha-Fierce knockoff “Lola,” we have to give her credit for her phenomenal taste in shoes. As you know I am a Louboutin lover and the new Bridget bootie, which JLo rocks in “Fresh Out the Oven,” is the latest object of my desire.

Drool.
It’s lady, vampy, vixen, rocker, glamour puss all in one mesmerizing shoe. The sexy peeptoe marries two of the season’s hottest trends in holy matrimony: lace and leopard print. Genius!
As the shoe retails for a cool $1,795, some believe it’s too trendy for the price tag. Trendy or not, I certainly can’t, in good faith, spend more than two month’s rent on a pair of shoes (please God, let them be at the next sample sale).
Some even think it’s ugly. Gasp. While I do believe fashion is subjective, Louboutin and lace and leopard could never be bad. Right?

Heidi Klum wore them with all black everything to a Pre-Emmy party while JLo rocked them with a nude minidress and velvet shrug to the VMA’s.
Take a look at the bootie-ful peeptoe and check Jennifer Lopez rocking it in her newest video, “Fresh Out of the Oven” below. What do you think of the shoes…oh and the song?


Kisses,
Coutura

Glam or a Sham: AMA’s

Hey Glamazons!

By now, we’ve all seen and heard about the spectacles at Sunday’s American Music Awards that everyone is talking about: Jennifer Lopez falling on her ass-et (what’s more appalling to me is performing a “Louboutin” song not wearing Louboutins), Adam Lambert making out with a man, Jay-Z taking an alleged jab at 50 Cent while Chris Brown tweets “Cornball” and Q-Tip tweets about “cocky rappers.”


But to me, the fashion was just as troubling.

While some celebrities looked beautiful, others took fashion risks that didn’t quite pay off (Rihanna) or made amateur style faux pauxs (Whitney, where was your shapewear?).

Take a look at the celebrities that made us turn heads or scratch our heads and give your verdict: Glam or a Sham?


We loved Whitney Houston’s ruched white gown but a Spanx would’ve smoothed out her (tiny) tummy.


Not at all crazy about Rihanna’s Marchesa ballgown with floral cut-outs, and Easter Sunday ready white Mary Jane pumps. However, the red cat eyes (and Neil Lane jewelry) were everything.Bold

We think Rihanna’s body is AMAZING but the Fifth Element meets Amber Rose bandaged suit was way too much for us.


Lady Gaga’s antics always amuse but the unsightly strap over her panties looks like a diaper or holster. Odd…not in a good way.

Alicia Key’s Armani Prive dress was adorable, fresh and sexy. We love how she highlighted her amazing legs and kept her Lorraine Schwartz jewelry simple and stunning.


Her fall may be the talk of the town, but Jennifer Lopez’s Marchesa feathery dress with beaded bodice totally makes up for it.


I live for Fergie’s studded Armani Prive gown. Equal parts daring and dazzling.


Does it get any chicer than Shakira’s yellow Versace minidress and Lorraine Schwartz jewels? Note to Rihanna: this is how cut-outs should be done.


I think the Biker Chic trend is completely overdone here. And Leona Lewis’ soft hairstyle with cascading ringlets seems out of place when paired with her leather Vivienne Westwood dress, chains AND a three-finger ring. Not a fan.


We thought Mary J. Blige looked elegant but a tad too dressy for the event. Nonetheless, her expertly-styled blonde cut was the perfect complement to her glowing skin.


We loved Keri Hilson’s sparkly Louise Golden minidress and Alaia booties. She always gets it right.


Though some critics feel Toni Braxton’s dress is a bit too revealing for a 40-something star, I think her gown—and body—look stunning. The messy updo, on the other hand, is not red-carpet friendly. And she could’ve put that boy in a suit.


I think velvet is always a controversial choice, but when done right, it looks expensive and dapper. Jay-Z slightly misses the mark, in my opinion, with the brown color.

What do you think about these looks, Glamazons? Glam or a Sham?

Kisses,

Coutura